Dad removed his own stitches in the basement after the operation
– You have to prepare for the competition when the country is at war. It is necessary to shoot a video, smile … You wrote that the same photo shoots during the war are a real test. How do you do it?
– Even at the beginning of the war, when dad was sick, I was already emotionally destroyed, but I didn’t tell anyone about it. I am a very private person, I never share personal experiences with my audience on social networks. It may have been wrong of me, but I never tell people how I feel. At that moment, I was just broken.
When I started volunteering, I somehow gathered myself, because when you do a good deed, you seem to have strength.
I have been modeling for 13 years. And no one ever cared how you felt. No matter how bad you feel, physically or mentally, you must keep a face. She came home, read the news, cried, wiped her tears and went to the shooting. And then she again went to volunteer – and there is nothing to walk and cry all the time. That's why I kept it up.
At the beginning of my volunteer activities, they even teased me a little that I was brightly painted. Lesya Ukrainka has such a phrase – “so as not to cry, I laughed.” So – in order not to cry, I painted my eyes very brightly. I understood – if I start to dissolve the nurses, the makeup will flow. And that put me off a bit. Yes, and without makeup then I looked very bad.
It's hard. I am a living person, like everyone else, it hurts me too, but now I simply have no right to be weak.
– Your personal hell, as you admitted, began two weeks before the start of the war, when your father had to undergo a complex heart operation. He was taken to Chernihiv for rehabilitation, where your family was caught in the war. You also have grandparents there. How are they?
– Yes, I can't express my own horrors in words. Native Chernihiv was simply wiped off the face of the earth, it was under blockade. Every day planes dropped bombs, rockets flew.
I am very grateful to my godfather, who took my parents to him. Parents did not want to evacuate from their hometown, and dad was not transportable, and after a few weeks water, heating and communications disappeared. The godfather climbed onto the roof of the house in order to tell me at least a word that they were alive. Every day I was afraid to hear some bad news, because as soon as I read how many arrivals there were, I realized that my relatives could die.
When I tried to find volunteers, and then I called 70 contacts on the phone, who could help them even with food, not a single person agreed to go to the area where the parents were. It was very dangerous there. And the father just after the operation. He could not even sit, his chest was sawn. Dad took his own stitches in the basement. This is a very terrible period of my life.
And only my former classmate, he serves in the terrorist defense, brought them food. Then I realized why I should volunteer. It is very scary to be alone with a problem when no one can help you. And it is very important if there is at least one person who can give you a shoulder.
Volunteering saved the model. A girl from her own experience understands how scary it is to be left alone with a problem when no one can help you. Photo: Instagram.com/crystal.viktoria/
By the way, about volunteering. When you and the Naive team prepared food for the Ukrainian Armed Forces battalion and single grandparents, you were hated for the photo with pies. Someone did not like that you were wearing makeup, someone said that it was not you who sculpted the pies. How did you deal with those moments? For you do a good deed, and you are scolded. Paying attention to the hate?
“I am a very sensitive person and I was actually in a lot of pain. But this is somewhat my fault. I have already said that I am a rather private person, so none of my subscribers, with whom we do not know in real life, know what kind of person I am. They don’t know that I am a “nerd” by nature, so to speak, I graduated from two universities with honors, my specialty is “social work”, that I took part in scientific conferences, wrote research.
In life, I am a very simple and open girl. And in social networks, not quite the right image of me was created. In social networks, I have always broadcast my photo shoots, shootings and lived with the motto – whoever wants to know me better will know, and everyone else does not need to broadcast it.
Therefore, when I started volunteering, this caused a strong response: they say, how can this model volunteer, and why does she put on makeup, and why put on makeup for the kitchen, here we, for example, did not have enough time for makeup … I have a very large work experience – I can paint very quickly. In addition, it personally helped me somehow to hold on, not to break.
In addition, many professional photographers volunteered in our team, and sometimes, in order to collect donations, they filmed everything that happens in our kitchen. And here I come for the first time, without makeup, with bruises under my eyes, exhausted, I look, in my opinion, rather badly, now I already weigh 45 kg – and then it was not at all for a photo. Therefore, I decided to at least put on make-up so as not to look “as if taken down from the cross.”
But most people supported, wrote that it’s normal to put on make-up, do your hair, everything that personally supports you at this moment allows you to survive emotionally , mentally and physically. In my case, it was makeup.
“Being an ambassador of Ukraine now is a very big responsibility,” our miss says and adds. “This is a very powerful chance for Ukraine to be heard.” Photo: Miss Ukraine Universe Organizing Committee
The worst thing was to overcome myself and go to Bucha for the first time
– And for the fact that you are going to a beauty contest, you haven't got it yet?
– Everyone reacted absolutely normally. Personally, I have not seen a single bad comment. Everyone understands the importance that we must convey our message to the world. Now, even for makeup, no one says anything. It's just that sometimes people don't understand that a word, one comment can even drive someone to suicide. Just one thoughtless word!
So it's very important to support each other right now, and I'm very grateful for the support.
– 45 kg is the result of stress?
– I just burned before my eyes. In March, I was 43-44 kg, despite the fact that I tried to eat. I weighed that much, probably, at school, in the 5th grade. Therefore, she also looked bad because of weight loss – stress, worries about dad, family. Then there was simply not enough time to eat. Now I have less volunteer work in preparation for the competition. In addition, our battalion, which we fed, went to the front line. But tomorrow we are still going to Gostomel to deliver humanitarian aid.
And sometimes there was no appetite due to a nervous state and constant nervous strain. Now I'm trying to gain weight, but something is not working yet.
– You mentioned Gostomel. On your first trip to the city, you said that you stumbled on a trip wire, then walked next to mines, not knowing about it. Not scared after that?
– The worst thing for me was to overcome myself and go to Bucha for the first time. All of Ukraine saw what horrors happened there, so it was very painful and scary, everything there was filled with heavy, bitter energy with a taste of blood.
Of course, there are risks. Like all volunteers involved in helping, many died because they were just trying to help. Yes, it’s scary, my girlfriend and I travel only together, but we need help. I have already talked about my own history with my parents, so I understand how it is to be left without help, one on one. This is scary.
Art therapy. Apanasenko advises everyone to try to do everything that at least temporarily brings you back to your past life. Photo: Instagram.com/crystal.viktoria/
We must do everything that at least temporarily returns to a past life
– What do you do to maintain your mental and physical health? You already said that at certain times makeup saved you. What else?
– I was saved by the words of my family that they are alive and well, and volunteering. What would you recommend to others? Do anything that at least temporarily brings you back to a past life. At least for a minute! And it helps. Everyone is now very vulnerable, tired, and this is normal. It's normal to be tired, angry, resentful…
If you feel that you are not coping, be sure to contact a psychologist or psychiatrist. Now many people can have PTSD, and something needs to be done about it so that it does not interfere with living a fulfilling life.
– What are you dreaming about now?< /em>
– I dream that we will win, that our suffering will end. I dream of calmly going to my native Chernihiv, visiting my grandparents, being with my parents. I dream of not being afraid to go outside. I wish we could just breathe in a fresh breath of air. We have incredible people, they deserve to be happy in their free and beautiful Ukraine. I dream that the country will rebuild, flourish, so that people who have lost their homes will have new ones.
– And how do you imagine your future? What would you like to do next?
– I graduated from the Faculty of Psychology with a degree in social work, I would like to continue doing this. I want to help everyone who needs it.